Question
My boyfriend says that anal sex (anal sex: Sexual activity involving the anus. Anal sex may include stimulation with fingers, the mouth, a penis, sex toys, or other objects or body parts.) is no different than regular sex (sex: Different things people choose to do to actively express or enact sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. ) . Is that true? He also says we don’t have to use a condom (condom: A thin sheath or tube of latex or another material, worn over the penis during sex to prevent or reduce the risk of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections.) ? Also, will I still be a virgin if I have anal sex? Will it hurt as much?
It is actually quite different, presuming you mean vaginal intercourse (vaginal intercourse: When a penis or sex toy is inserted into and held by the vagina while partners move their bodies as feels good to them for the purpose of either sexual stimulation and/or reproduction.) when you say “regular” sex (sex: Different things people choose to do to actively express or enact sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. ) .
That doesn’t mean your boyfriend is lying, he just may not know doesn’t know any better, since he probably hasn’t been on the receiving end of anal sex (anal sex: Sexual activity involving the anus. Anal sex may include stimulation with fingers, the mouth, a penis, sex toys, or other objects or body parts.) or any kind of intercourse (intercourse: When people interlock their genitals and move together as feels good to them for the purpose of sexual stimulation and/or reproduction.) before, or may not have performed it on anyone else before either.
Your anal tissue and the anatomy (anatomy: The body, parts of the body, or physical structure of organisms like people, animals or plants.) of your anus (anus: The external opening to the rectum, located between the buttocks.) and rectum (rectum: The internal passage between the anus and the colon; stores solid waste until it leaves the body through a bowel movement.) , for starters, are very different from your vaginal tissue and your vagina (vagina: The internal passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus.) . It can’t lubricate itself, and it’s more prone to small abrasions and fissures. So, to begin with, you are more susceptible to STIs and infections via anal intercourse (anal intercourse: When a penis is inserted into and held by the anus while partners move their bodies as feels good to them for the purpose of sexual stimulation.) , and more likely to experience pain or discomfort, and you certainly DO need a condom (condom: A thin sheath or tube of latex or another material, worn over the penis during sex to prevent or reduce the risk of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections.) . In fact, if he’s going on about not needing a condom, that’s an arena where I would have an eye out (out: Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.) for someone fibbing.
In addition, I don’t usually recommend anal intercourse for teens for a myriad of reasons, one of which is that in my experience, I haven’t seen that most younger partners have the big-time patience or level of communication (communication: Various ways we express ourselves to others, such as through speech, written words or symbols, sign language, body language, touch or art.) skills with their partners that is really required to make it anything less than pretty uncomfortable. Anal penetration by a penis (penis: One of the two external reproductive organs of people often assigned male at birth.) is not a very good way to start, for example. If you want to experiment with anal play, try just one gloved and lubricated finger first – and not with baby oil, with lubricant (lubricant: A fluid used in order to make kinds of sex (such as masturbation, vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse or manual sex) more pleasant and comfortable, and/or to help prevent condoms from breaking by decreasing friction.) like KY Jelly. If you don’t like that feeling, or that hurts, a penis is not going to be pleasant either. And any sexual (sexual: About or relating in some way to sex or sexuality.) activity should be about feeling good – not just about avoiding pain. Anal play also involves plenty of communication – just like other kinds of sex – where partners ask each other questions, share feedback, and are responsive and gradual. Is your boyfriend up to that? If he’s not, then the simple answer is not only that yes, it will probably hurt a good deal – especially with a whole penis, and probably more than vaginal intercourse will – and this isn’t such a great idea right now.
As far as whether or not you’ll still be a virgin, it depends on what you think virginity is. There is no clinical definition of virginity – it’s a cultural idea, not a medical state.
My advice? Stick to the basics for now, and if you want to try some anal play, try it yourself first, with your own two hands. If you like that? Then you can talk about anal play with your partner (partner: In a sexual context, a person with whom someone is having some kind of sex. The term “partner” can be used for all kinds of relationships, not just serious ones. “Partner” can also mean the person someone is with in a romantic or familial partnership.) and work into it gradually, as it feels good at whatever level or type of play works for you. And if the sex you’re having is getting to be all about what can be done to avoid practicaing safer sex (safer sex: Practices which aim to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections, such as use of latex/nonlatex barriers, regular testing for infections and limiting the number of sexual partners.) , nip that in the bud right now: for your health and that of your partners, you want to start your sex life walking in with safer sex practices as a given, not a negotiable.
